Why I’m p***ed at the Schlepps

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I have had the personal luck to have ridden with Frank and Andy Schleck. I believe them to be two of the most talented cyclists the world will ever see. I also believe them to be two of the most molly-coddled cyclists in the world. This Tour de France has proven that. Their will to win at all costs, a fundamental driver of professional and amateur sport, is gone. Half heated attacks so as to not drop your brother in the process doesn’t cut it, sorry Frank. You are the stronger rider, so I urge you to bury your brother with endless attacks and in the process, possibly win the greatest race in the world.

Sounds right to me?

If they turn to see where the other one is one more time, I may actually throw something at the TV. It’s disgusting. At this rate, they`ll both end up off the podium and what is the point of that? Their “where for art thou brother” attitude (coined from Matt Eager and Marc Perel) saddens a million people at once instead of rising to their greatest chance of winning the greatest race in the world. I am sure if we were able to keep up, we`d hear non-stop calls, like a childhood swimming pool game of Marco…Polo…Andy…Frank…

When you get a chance in the Tour, you take it. Damnit! It’s the same in life. Take your chance, it may not come again. Life is not always fair. Survival of the fittest/smartest/luckiest is a real thing. When you are all equally fit, smart then really, your luck is your greatest asset. Having a 3 time Tour winner on the ropes means you attack and attack again until he wants to fall off his bike and die. Then you crawl your way to the line and take the Tour like a hero.

They seem like they have done too many trust falls and are too scared to hurt each other, never mind the competition.

So what are we going to do about these two boys, who have all the talent in the world, but don’t have the balls to attack each other?

1. We should input a Sensitivity Coach of this stature into Leopard-Trek:

2. We make them practice the greatest Monologues of all time to up their aggro just a little.

3. We put them in a boxing ring with the only way out being to knock the other guy out, the alternative being to be the only guy without a helmet in a helmet-important situation.

My work here is done. I would like to see TODAY being one of the greatest days the Tour has ever seen. I can’t see how else we are going to get it done, do you? Leave a comment here, but only after reading why I need to get to get my rear end to Europe and ride my bike there with a few mates.

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